You may have remembered this post I wrote about my son’s upcoming Baptism.
I have done much soul searching since then. I have looked into my past and tried to see what has made my Catholic faith such a burden and so cumbersome. My problems with the Catholic faith have stemmed from several things, the first being something I will call the stigma of Christ. It is the cringing I feel when I see someone proclaiming Jesus as Lord and Savior. But what about that truly bothers me? Part of it is the history of some people who have had very poor and misguided behavior and ideas about what and who Jesus is.
I know Jesus does not “hate fags.”
I know Jesus doesn’t “want my money.”
I know Jesus doesn’t want you to kill anyone. Period.
I know Jesus wants us to accept God’s love.
I know Jesus wants us to love each other.
I know Jesus wants us to forgive each other.
And I’m starting to wonder just what it is I have a problem with in my faith?
I know the answer to that.
I don’t have a problem with Christ. I have a problem with the people who say they speak for Christ and God. And taking my cues from Christ and Buddha, I must seek until I find and I must be compassionate and I must forgive people. I must forgive all of those misguided and spiritually bankrupt people who speak in God’s name when, if I can stop for a second and listen to the world and God in my innermost being, I know what the truth is.
And here is another secret that Christ and Buddha knew: To know God, you must be aware. you must be willing to shine a light on all parts of your self, from the good thoughts and the bad, the prejudices and pride-filled parts too.
My problem is with people, not God and Christ. And I’m feeling so much better about a lot of things, but there a still a few I’m not so happy or comfortable with. I’m still a bit apprehensive about aspects of my faith. But the important thing is that I seem to have found my faith.
Now I have something to believe in. Now I know what my life’s purpose is. I am here to love and forgive and be my best. And that is all you have to do praise God, because God doesn’t actually want you to praise Him. He wants you to love. God wants us to love and forgive people, nature, politicians, priests, criminals, cops, governments, each other, and ourselves.
Whenever people love and forgive each other, that’s where you’ll find God. And that’s what I found that was missing.
